An emotional journey part 4 ...

Here is part 1, part 2 and part 3...


We were kind of in a stressful time in our life deciding what would be best for our family and hoping it would all work out to travel with my husband instead of me being a single Mom for months.  Well, it did work out and we were on our way to living in Italy for 2 1/2 months!  We were all so excited.  In the hustle of trying to get ready, I didn't take time to take care of myself.  I was ready to be committed while I was in Italy though or so I thought.

A while ago I had stumbled upon a book called The Emotion Code.  My friend had told me about it again so I thought I'd revisit again while I had a little more time being in Italy.  Basically what it talks about is that our energy fields get blocked with trapped emotions and our health suffers from those bumps in our energy tracks.  The book teaches you how to muscle test so that you can learn to release these emotions to put yourself on a better track of health.  I dedicated time each day to find and release these emotions.  I had some BIG ones related to weight and self-sabotage. I released some that were trapped in my neck causing me neck pain and it literally has not come back since I released those, which is HUGE for me.  I firmly believe in this homeopathic idea and am so glad I came across it.  It has helped me have a better attitude towards my weight loss and goals.  I have been able to stop the self-sabotage that I used to have by sneaking candy or chocolate thinking nobody would know if I ate it so it wouldn't hurt me.  I have been able to stop beating myself up for every little 'mistake' I make.  I have been able to move forward again in my healthiness journey with a new found goal, a new found attitude and a desire to break the bad habits that have put me where I am today.

I know it wounds so, so crazy and weird, but The Emotion Code and it's 'sister' The Body Code have literally helped save my life from things I didn't even know where sabotaging it.  I am so grateful for finding it and the help I know it is going to give me on my healthiness journey.  Some day, I will become a certified practitioner for these systems and cannot wait to help others on their journey as well!

My emotional journey to health is not complete.  I will still have cream added to my bucket that I will have to churn into butter, but I am still swimming.  I am still not giving up. I still have faith that some day I will find the key to unlock my fat and become fit and fabulous!

---What cream has been added to your bucket lately?  How do you keep swimming?

--Have you done anything lately just for you?

An emotional journey part 3 ...

Part 1 and Part 2 of my emotional journey...

Did I mention I cried?  Well, I did to several people.  One of those people had a friend who had a story similar to mine and had finally found Ideal Protein and did that diet and lost a lot of weight.  I felt like this may be my answer, so I gave it a shot.  Well, it worked, I dropped a lot of weight.  I was amazed to see the scale go down, 5 pounds after only one week!  What? I had been trying for months just to lose 5 pounds.  This was my answer.  This was what was going to make me happy, right?  I guess it did for a while.  I loved going to weigh ins each week knowing I'd lost pounds and inches. BUT, I wasn't really happy.  It is hard to explain because I was happy, but I wasn't.  I was focusing only on the scale and not in other areas of my life to complete my happiness.  I only had a few months to do the diet because I had set a goal to complete a triathlon that summer and I needed to start training and on the Ideal Protein diet they encourage you not to workout hard, I had tried and my body didn't really respond well to it, so I knew I would have to phase off and do just my workouts for my triathlon, which was okay.  I had gotten close to my goal weight and I figured my working out for a triathlon would help me get to the rest.

Well, it didn't.  I completely enjoyed my triathlon training and the struggles and strengths I found while doing it!  I felt amazing.  I was over coming fears, I was doing something I didn't think was possible.  You can go HERE to check those out.  I actually didn't even weigh myself during the summer because I didn't care.  I felt great, I was doing fun things and I was happy.

Triathlon season stopped and so did I.  I was burnt out from the effort, both emotional, physical and mental.  I thought I'd give myself a break of about a month or so and then start back up so I could keep up my fitness level and hopefully eat good and lose more weight ... if only our best intentions always panned out.

My husband started traveling, he was gone for most of October and all of December and you know what those months do to you food wise anyway!  Ugg, it was a very emotional, very hard time for me.  I'd start to try to work out, get too tired, stop, try again ... all the while pretending I was eating well but sneaking things I knew were not going to help me get where I wanted.  But I was lonely and tired and frustrated all at the same time...it resulted in weight gain ... AGAIN!

An emotional journey part 2...

 Go HERE for part 1 of my emotional journey...

I have a friend who was probably the sickest person I know.  She could hardly eat anything and she was always sick too.  She had been going and doing some alternative medicine things and I felt like this might be my answer since Western Medicine wasn't helping me anymore.  They were telling me I was normal and that I would just have to function the way I was...or take anti-depressant pills.  No thanks!

So, I started to do some alternative medicine things.  My adrenal glands were not functioning, so I took pills to try to help them.  My iron was obviously still low so I took pills for them.  I took pills for my kidneys because they were not flushing all the toxins out of my body.  Yada, Yada, I took whatever my body tested that I needed.  I wasn't completely satisfied with this either, although I was starting to feel better.  But, I wanted more.  I didn't want to be tied to pills for the rest of my life so my same friend had started trying something new as well for allergy treatments.  Basically the idea is, that our body has reactions to all things that we put it in contact with, some good, some bad.  If you have 'allergies' to these things, your body will react negatively to them each time you come in contact with them.  This treatment is called NAET and it literally changed my life.  It is crazy and amazing all at the same time.  They 'treat' you for your allergy so that the next time you come in contact with that thing, your bodies energy says oh this stuff is okay, I'm not going to act crazy this time.  And it works.  I went through countless treatments and the brain fog I had disappeared, the tiredness diminished, my energy levels started to come up and most of all my iron levels finally stayed normal and I wasn't even supplementing it!  I was so happy!  But, I still had a ways to go for my to be completely satisfied.  I still had some headaches, jaw pain and I still could not drop weight which was frustrating.

My husband had started going to a new chiropractor who also used a muscle technique that he loved.  It helps get your muscles to fire correctly as sometimes they fatigue and will go into a secondary muscle to help the primary muscle.  Anyway, I decided I should go check him out and see if he could help me.  He helped me so much!  He helped my jaw, neck and head pain diminish!  What a miracle to not be in constant pain in my head.  Loved that!  Another answer to prayers, but I was still so frustrated with my weight.

I was working out, eating what I thought was right and I still could not drop weight, which is ultimately what I wanted.  I wanted my energy levels up. I wanted to feel great, but really, I wanted that scale to go down.  At one point, I figured if I worked out more I would lose more weight so I worked out twice a day for a whole month and still nothing.  I cried.  I cried a lot!

An emotional journey part 1...

My journey into healthiness has been a long one.  I started feeling completely miserable shortly after I had my fourth child.  Looking back now, my body was starting to give me these same signals after my third, but I didn't listen then.  I just settled thinking I was tired from having 3 children so fast.  I had tried between each child to lose weight, successfully getting down to around the same number each time, only loosing 5 or 10 pounds each time and then getting stuck.  I'd get frustrated, start to not care and then it was time to get pregnant again...the circle always turning.  After my fourth was born, I was exhausted, I was completely sick of feeling awful.  There were days I wouldn't even want to get off the couch to help my children.  Everything was exhausting, every day a struggle.  I ended up having surgery on my foot 6 months after having my 4th child as well.  I think that completely put me over the top of feeling crappy.  

 

After I felt like I had had enough and after a good crying session with my husband, we started to work out together.  He did it to help me try to stay motivated, plus he likes to be fit too and it is hard to take the time unless you have a reason.  He helped me put together a weight lifting routine and I would do cardiovascular stuff too.  Well, around that same time I had an IUD placed thinking it would be an amazing thing for my body because I wanted to wait awhile to have more children, if ever, so why not?  Well, that DID not go well for me.  I bleed, I cried, I had it removed and then I had the most painful pain in my abdomen after lifting one day. I thought I had just pulled a muscle so I laid low for awhile.  It didn't go away, so I headed to my doctor.  I had an ovarian cyst, a big one.  They said to just watch it and see if I could tolerate the pain and it should shrink and go away.  Well, after one week I was in a ton more pain so they decided to remove it via surgery.  Another surgery, another loss of blood, another set back in my goals of becoming fit.

After that surgery, I seriously hit my lowest point.  I had a crazy huge massive headache every day.  I got dizzy when I stood up. I couldn't think straight.  My brain was always foggy.  I was grouchy with myself and with almost everyone around me, including my children.  I went to the doctor and they wanted to put me on anti-depressants.  I knew I wasn't depressed, or maybe I was?  No, that answer didn't work for me.  I went to a different doctor...I forced him to check my blood levels for SO many things.  They thought I might have MS, so we did a CT scan.  Nothing turned up. I was deemed normal.  HA!  This is not a normal way to feel.  I went back to an internal medicine doctor thinking maybe I had diabetes.  Nope.  So, I finally asked them to check my ferriten levels (iron) and I was so extremely low that they almost admitted me to the hospital.  Wow, really?  I'm not just normal?  So, iron infusions came, double dose, twice a month.  Rechecked my ferritin, still not normal.  Another month of twice a month double dose, back to a closer range of normal.  I feel great after I get the infusions for about a week and then I start to feel crappy again. I went through this for about 6 months and then when my levels wouldn't stay normalized I needed something more.

At this point I was exhausted.  I was tired of being told I was normal.  I was tired of feeling like crap and thinking this was going to be my normal.  I was tired of being grumpy all the time.  I was JUST TIRED!  Then, an answer to a prayer...

A family full of runners ...

 I find extreme joy in teaching my children to be healthy and active...or they help teach me to be healthy and active :).  I think it is a 2-way street at our house.  Nene loves to be active and embraces any sport we let him play!  He is always asking about different ways to make his body strong. Brownie is getting faster and faster in her running ability and loves to be my running buddy!  Blondie has already run more races this year than I have and loves every minute or running with her dad.  And Cheese is just along for the ride :). 

It brings me great joy to watch them enjoy exercising and that I am able to be out there doing it with them.  They motivate me to try harder, to push past the HARD things and be successful.  It teaches them that even I as their Mom can push through hard things, so they can too!   They frequently have mock triathlons by swimming in our little pool, riding their bike than running.  It makes me happy!  They love to stretch out with either Coach J or I when we get back from a run/bike.  So fun to watch them love something as much as we do!

--What do you do to help keep your kids active?

--What are your favorite things to do with your kids?

With a little time ...

Oh how your PERSPECTIVE changes...

Two weeks ago, I completed my first sprint triathlon and I thought I would not do another one this year.  The very following week, Coach J did the Echo Triathlon (watch for a race report from him) and I found myself to be extremely jealous! I wanted to have another attempt at doing something so challenging and rewarding!

To be completely honest, it only took about a day to help my perspective change.  While I was going through the swim, I wanted to quit.  I wanted so badly to call over the kayak and have him take me in.  But I didn't!  I kept going and then enjoyed every minute of the rest of the triathlon. Same thing in life, while we are going through trials or hard times it sometimes feels like we just want to quit.  We want to throw in the towel, claim a Did Not Finish, but once we have gone through those challenges/trial/hardships, we are better because of it.  We are a different person and stronger and more able to take on the next challenge.  

Now that I have had time to think about my triathlon experience, I KNOW I want to do more. I know I need to work on my swim to be quicker and more efficient and my run to become faster, but there is always something you can work on to get better, right? If we wait until we are 'perfect' to go after something we desire will we ever be ready?  Will we ever do something that causes us to be fearful if we don't just Go for It and enjoy the journey?

Bring on the next TRI!!

--What has changed your perspective in life?

--Have you ever said you won't do something and then do it anyway?

Sabotaging thoughts...

 Wow, this article was eye opening!  I love when I find a great article to really help me with the emotional side of my weight struggles.  When I can write them out, figure them out and move past them, I know I am in a better place.  I know that I can leave them as part of my past and stay the healthy person I have worked so hard to become.  

Go check out the article HERE.

I know we are all guilty of saying many of these sabotaging thoughts. 

Here were a few of mine when I wrote them down.

-- My kids are driving me crazy, I NEED some chocolate.

-- Nobody will know if I eat this if I don't write it down or eat it in front of everyone.

-- I want it so I can have it.

-- I don't want to feel deprived when everyone else is having something.

-- They are eating it, so I can too.

-- I am too tired to work out.

-- I don't have enough time to work out and shower and get everything else done I need to.

-- I am not physically fit enough to do that activity.

Well, guess where those thoughts got me?  Overweight and unhappy in my own skin.  I had to change those thoughts into something that I knew would serve me and my body.  It wasn't easy, I still struggle with some of these thoughts, but I KNOW what I want my body to feel like and feeding it junk and sitting on the couch only makes me feel like junk and to stay on the couch.

I still want sweets sometimes.  I still enjoy them, I just do it every once in a while instead of every day.  I just have a little of something and am satisfied with that.  I do enjoy working out and am always glad I do, some days are just harder than others.  This change of thoughts and actions isn't easy, it takes time and effort, but I am worth it.  YOU are worth it.  We are ALL worth it.

*Enjoy a Beautiful day!!

--What are some of your sabotaging thoughts?

--What have you done to change the way you think?

Work on ME...

"I am ME and so happy with it"

I love this!  Because it is SO true.  I sometimes get caught up on reading all your awesome blogs, seeing facebook status updates or reading magazine articles about how far you are running and how fast, how much weight you are loosing, the awesome veggies you ate today, the amazing jeans you now fit into, the awesome sponsors you have on your blogs and I get sad.  I get into the "maybe I am NOT doing something right.  Maybe I am not good enough.  Maybe I should just give up".  But guess what?  I am ME. I am on my own personal journey to health.  I am doing the best I can with what God has given me and that is all that matters.  I will continue to work on ME.  To become the BEST ME I can be. 

I printed this out and put it on my fridge!  Everyone should remember it!

What do you do to remind yourself to worry about yourself and nobody else?

My Body Doesn't make me Beautiful...

It is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week and with all the blog posts going on around the blogosphere, I was really reflecting on my relationship with food and my body image. This is a hard subject where ever you turn I think.  There is negatives all around and you really have to search for the positives.  They are out there, thank goodness, but you have to want to find them.

My personal experience is kind of messy.  I have a very odd relationship with food and it goes from good to not so good very often.  I am doing much better lately because I know my body needs fuel to get through my workouts and busy schedule.  I have been told recently that I need to eat 1800-2000 calories to lose any weight and that has been a difficult bridge for me to go over.  Our minds are pounded with having to eat around 1200 to lose anything, but I feel like I overeat when I eat a full 2000 calories.  It has been an eye opening experience for me and I will go into it a little more some day.

 

With all of that, I wanted to play along with Lindsay over at the Lean Green Bean. I wanted to list 3 things that make me beautiful!

#1...My Body...but not because of what size it is (or isn't) but because it has given me my greatest blessings, my 4 children.  It has given me my greatest struggles in where I have learned so much about myself and my abilities to overcome poor health and embrace feeling wonderful in my body.  I have struggles, victories and everything in between with my body but overall I couldn't live without it :)!

#2...My Faith...I have faith that things will work out eventually. I know that if I keep doing good things, good things will happen. I know that if I love myself, my children and my husband, Love will be returned to me in many different ways.  I know that if I love and serve others around me, I will receive blessings for many of the things I need in my life.

#3...My Persistence...I have kept 'swimming' so as to make some butter from this cream bucket I have fallen into.  I have never totally given up...some parts of my life have been more difficult than others but I do not have much 'quit' in me.  I will succeed in my desires to be fit and fabulous!  I know that eventually my efforts will be noticed and I will NOT give up!

What are 3 things you love about yourself that doesn't involve weight, looks or your bodies?

Behind the frog...

Who am I?   I am Katie Williams, a child of God who can do amazing and hard things. I am a wife who loves my husband with all my heart. I am a mother who nurtures and cares for her children. I am a friend who helps when needed. I am ME and so happy with it!!

A little more on all those points :)...

I am a child of God who knows my true potential.  If you want to learn more about why that is a major part of who I am go to LDS.org.

I am a wife of almost 10 years to a very busy husband who loves to stay fit and active too.  He is currently training for a 70.3 IRONMAN and motivates me to do so many of the things I never thought I could do.

I am a mother of 4 children, ages 7, 5, 3, and 1 years old, two boys and two girls that I love so much.  They keep me busy and on my toes but I wouldn't have it any other way.  They bring tears of joy, frustration and happiness to my life on a daily basis and I am so happy to be their mother!  NeNe is my oldest boy.  He loves to wrestle, run and be fit.  He did a triathlon last year and cannot wait to do one again.  Brownie is my oldest girl.  She loves learning to read and to draw/color all the time.  She is active in gymnastics and clogging and loves that she is getting muscles too.  Blondie is my 3rd child, 2nd daughter. She is anxiously awaiting getting to go to Kindergarten, but is loving preschool in the meantime.  She loves to dance around and ride her bike.  Cheese is my 4th and 2nd boy.  He is a cheeseball in everything.  He loves to make people laugh and is having a hard time trying to keep up with his older siblings.

And now onto why I really think I can do amazing and HARD things.  My road (which isn't over) to being a Fit and Fabulous Frog has not been easy!  I have been actively trying to loose weight on and off for 5 years, ever since I had my 2nd baby.  I was not happy with my body and where my health was headed.  My husband asked me if I wanted to be on a relay team with him for a 40 mile race.  I surprisingly said YES and started my training right then and there. I had never run more than what I was required to in school and always joked that the only time I needed to run was around the bases in baseball.  I now had to work up to more than 5 miles.  It wasn't easy, almost every step was hard but I completed that 5 miles with a smile on my face and tears running down my cheeks.  I had done it.  I had done what I set out to do, even when I thought it wasn't possible.  What an amazing journey!  Ever since then I have done various races and athletic adventures all with varying degrees of hardness and successes but the same result comes from every one I try.  I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!!

Why a Frog?

Have you ever heard the little story about how 2 frogs were playing in the farmers barn and they fell into a bucket of cream?  That little story applies to my life so potently.  I have felt just like both of these frogs throughout my life.  Some times I am the pessimistic frog, sometimes I am the frog that just keeps swimming.  Right now, I am swimming the best, fastest, steadiest I have in my life.  I am committed to become a Fit and Fabulous Frog!

Here is the story if you haven't heard it...

One day, two frogs were enjoying the day in the barn when they accidentally fell into the farmer's bucket of cream, and they couldn't get out. The two frogs kept swimming around to keep from drowning, and every once in a while they would try to climb out, but this was becoming very tiring.

One frog kept saying, "This is useless, we should just give up." But the other frog just ignored the comment and kept swimming. Finally, the pessimistic frog gave up and drowned. The other frog was sad at the loss of his friend, but he wasn't going to give up. He kept swimming and swimming, and, finally, the cream turned into butter and the frog simply climbed out.

This story shows that even if we stumble and others (or our very own self) try to pull us down, we got to keep on swimming because, eventually, the cream will turn into butter and we'll make it out of the pail. 

Although I don't have anyone who pulls me down in my life, I do a lot of pulling down on myself.  I have been trying to become Fit and Fabulous for over 5 years and I have never given up and died.  I have had to stop my working out for babies, foot surgery, cyst removal, and just overall poor health that wouldn't allow me to do much besides care for my family and lay on the couch.  But so far, I have overcome all that!! I have kept swimming and some day when I reach my goals of running a half marathon again and completing a sprint triathlon in a competitive time I will be able to have enough butter in my bucket to jump out and be a Fit and Fabulous Frog!!